No pictures ahead, insightful post
Today I had the pleasure to have Jojo Struys join me for lunch with the Nuffies. She proved to be much more than looks and cute voices we hear from the radio. She's an intellect if you ask me. That definitely threw off any bimbo first impression I had on her prior to the lunch.
And it was Jojo who shared with me this afternoon from a book she read, what I wanna share with you guys today. It was very meaningful and I find it very true. The topic is evident in the title of this blog post - Languages of Love.
All humans communicate to their lovers in various ways to show their love towards their lovers, but there is a trend to this behavior in particular. Some may shower their lovers with gifts, some in compliments, while some spend a lot of time with their loved ones. However, what is the main thing each of the party in a relationship needs? That is dependent on the language of love each of them speak. Humans in particular have a primary language of love while some are bilingual or multilingual, but most tend to have one dominant language. There are 5 types of language in love, namely;
1. Words of affirmation/compliments
People who are very good at articulating their words in nature, are never shy to give encouragement, compliments to their loved ones, be it on their looks, clothes, cheerfulness and just about anything else. They are also the first ones to say 'I Love You' to their lovers.
2. Gifts & Rewards
These group of people are ones that would care less for their money and willing to shower their loved ones with various gifts and rewards just to make them happy. Well, not only the financially stabled ones are willing to do so as it is evident a poor man who speak this language would give up eating just to buy his lover a present for their anniversary.
3. Quality Time
People who enjoys spending time with their loved ones will try their best to be around their lovers at all times, doing things together in life. Even if they aren't doing anything in particular, it doesn't matter, as long as they're together in presence.
4. Touch
While not necessary limited to only sex, touch refers to hugs, holding hands, kissing and etc. Display of affection (though not necessary in public) is important for people who speak this language.
5. Responsibilities/Expected duties
People who speak this language takes on the more traditional role in society by providing for their loved ones on what is expected of him/her. A man who speaks this language will work hard to earn as much as he can for his spouse to be able to live comfortably while a woman who speaks this language will fulfill the responsibility of taking care of the household, everything in order, clean and nothing goes wrong at home when her husband is back at home. The same if the woman is the breadwinner and the man is the househusband.
However, there are many instances of a person who speak a love language while expect to be communicated with another, such as a person who is capable of giving out words of affirmation may expect a lot of gifts from his/her other half, thus is not necessary that the language you speak is the language you want your other half to speak to you. Well, the exceptions would be for the ones who speak language - Touch & Quality Time, as both speakers of the mentioned languages normally expect their lovers to touch or spend time with them as well.
The love languages a person needs/expect to be spoken to are environmental cultured, most of the time from a void of the particular language from his/her loved ones (family especially) in his/her early life. For example, children who have not received much compliments before in their early lives may turn out to be very appreciative when their lovers speak to them in words of affirmation, ones who never receive presents much will appreciate it better when their lovers shower them with gifts and etc.
Understanding these languages are important for maintaining a healthy relationship between lovers in general as many failed marriages/relationships are due to this as well. Let's have an example,
Tom and Mary are married couples with 2 kids. Tom works very hard to ensure his family are financially secured while Mary is a housewife. From the statement before, we know that Tom speaks the language of 'Responsibilities/Expected Role' dominantly. Mary does speak the same language with Tom, but little did he know, she wanted to be spoken to in the language of 'Quality Time' as she feels lonely as Tom is never around with her and the children. For Tom, he thinks that every moment he waste sitting at home means opportunities are wasted to earn more to provide for his family. She doesn't know how to express herself well enough but her attempts were viewed as nags by Tom who doesn't understand the need of the language to be spoken to her. He now feels upset as he clearly thinks he's not well appreciated. When a person is devoid of appreciation for the role he played (providing for the family), he is in need of 'Words of Affirmation/Compliment' but there's no way Mary will be able to give him that as she herself is unhappy that Tom doesn't spend enough time with her.
If the situation goes on, the relationship will indeed fall apart and everyone will be unhappy. A psychologist will normally find out what languages the couple speaks in general and what language they expect to be spoken in and advise each side to take the necessary act. By pointing out to Mary that Tom needs words of affirmation for all his hard work and to Tom that Mary needs him to spend time with her and which if any of the 2 parties fail to take action, the relationship will deteriorate further.
So the right thing to do is, for Mary to express her gratitude to Tom for doing a great job to provide for the family and for Tom to allocate more time to spend with Mary and his children, be it just at home our out for vacation.
For those who have been in a relationship or currently in one, do take a moment and evaluate yourself and your lover. Have you been able to find out what language both of you speak and the languages both of you want to be spoken to?
I found mine out this afternoon after hearing this from Jojo.
Many thanks, Jojo for enlightening me, and now my readers.
Cheers
Robb
Today I had the pleasure to have Jojo Struys join me for lunch with the Nuffies. She proved to be much more than looks and cute voices we hear from the radio. She's an intellect if you ask me. That definitely threw off any bimbo first impression I had on her prior to the lunch.
And it was Jojo who shared with me this afternoon from a book she read, what I wanna share with you guys today. It was very meaningful and I find it very true. The topic is evident in the title of this blog post - Languages of Love.
All humans communicate to their lovers in various ways to show their love towards their lovers, but there is a trend to this behavior in particular. Some may shower their lovers with gifts, some in compliments, while some spend a lot of time with their loved ones. However, what is the main thing each of the party in a relationship needs? That is dependent on the language of love each of them speak. Humans in particular have a primary language of love while some are bilingual or multilingual, but most tend to have one dominant language. There are 5 types of language in love, namely;
1. Words of affirmation/compliments
People who are very good at articulating their words in nature, are never shy to give encouragement, compliments to their loved ones, be it on their looks, clothes, cheerfulness and just about anything else. They are also the first ones to say 'I Love You' to their lovers.
2. Gifts & Rewards
These group of people are ones that would care less for their money and willing to shower their loved ones with various gifts and rewards just to make them happy. Well, not only the financially stabled ones are willing to do so as it is evident a poor man who speak this language would give up eating just to buy his lover a present for their anniversary.
3. Quality Time
People who enjoys spending time with their loved ones will try their best to be around their lovers at all times, doing things together in life. Even if they aren't doing anything in particular, it doesn't matter, as long as they're together in presence.
4. Touch
While not necessary limited to only sex, touch refers to hugs, holding hands, kissing and etc. Display of affection (though not necessary in public) is important for people who speak this language.
5. Responsibilities/Expected duties
People who speak this language takes on the more traditional role in society by providing for their loved ones on what is expected of him/her. A man who speaks this language will work hard to earn as much as he can for his spouse to be able to live comfortably while a woman who speaks this language will fulfill the responsibility of taking care of the household, everything in order, clean and nothing goes wrong at home when her husband is back at home. The same if the woman is the breadwinner and the man is the househusband.
However, there are many instances of a person who speak a love language while expect to be communicated with another, such as a person who is capable of giving out words of affirmation may expect a lot of gifts from his/her other half, thus is not necessary that the language you speak is the language you want your other half to speak to you. Well, the exceptions would be for the ones who speak language - Touch & Quality Time, as both speakers of the mentioned languages normally expect their lovers to touch or spend time with them as well.
The love languages a person needs/expect to be spoken to are environmental cultured, most of the time from a void of the particular language from his/her loved ones (family especially) in his/her early life. For example, children who have not received much compliments before in their early lives may turn out to be very appreciative when their lovers speak to them in words of affirmation, ones who never receive presents much will appreciate it better when their lovers shower them with gifts and etc.
Understanding these languages are important for maintaining a healthy relationship between lovers in general as many failed marriages/relationships are due to this as well. Let's have an example,
Tom and Mary are married couples with 2 kids. Tom works very hard to ensure his family are financially secured while Mary is a housewife. From the statement before, we know that Tom speaks the language of 'Responsibilities/Expected Role' dominantly. Mary does speak the same language with Tom, but little did he know, she wanted to be spoken to in the language of 'Quality Time' as she feels lonely as Tom is never around with her and the children. For Tom, he thinks that every moment he waste sitting at home means opportunities are wasted to earn more to provide for his family. She doesn't know how to express herself well enough but her attempts were viewed as nags by Tom who doesn't understand the need of the language to be spoken to her. He now feels upset as he clearly thinks he's not well appreciated. When a person is devoid of appreciation for the role he played (providing for the family), he is in need of 'Words of Affirmation/Compliment' but there's no way Mary will be able to give him that as she herself is unhappy that Tom doesn't spend enough time with her.
If the situation goes on, the relationship will indeed fall apart and everyone will be unhappy. A psychologist will normally find out what languages the couple speaks in general and what language they expect to be spoken in and advise each side to take the necessary act. By pointing out to Mary that Tom needs words of affirmation for all his hard work and to Tom that Mary needs him to spend time with her and which if any of the 2 parties fail to take action, the relationship will deteriorate further.
So the right thing to do is, for Mary to express her gratitude to Tom for doing a great job to provide for the family and for Tom to allocate more time to spend with Mary and his children, be it just at home our out for vacation.
For those who have been in a relationship or currently in one, do take a moment and evaluate yourself and your lover. Have you been able to find out what language both of you speak and the languages both of you want to be spoken to?
I found mine out this afternoon after hearing this from Jojo.
Many thanks, Jojo for enlightening me, and now my readers.
Cheers
Robb
5 comments:
woah.. very wordy..
love is very complicated!
lunch with jojo somemore..
cool.. =)
kenwooi.com
Wahh.. That's 1 long post but true indeed!
so what language do u speak?
I can easily identify mine.. :>
i think there's certainly a sense of truth in the whole 5 languages thing
Okay... I will spend more time with Mary then.. :P
Languages of Love. So true but not many people notice that. Or rather sad that they notice, but not doing something about it.
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